When Ed was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I did not even know he was going to the doctor. He came home from the appointment and told me that the disease was at stage four, and the prognosis was not favourable. Twelve months.
I remember feeling completely unprepared for those words. Ed did not tell me he was having symptoms – he was stoic and private, someone who carried things quietly. Looking back, I can see there were small signs. He was getting up during the night to go to the bathroom, but I did not know that could be a symptom of prostate cancer, at the time I just thought it was one of those things that came with getting older.
Ed was 62 when he was diagnosed. He was born in Canada and of Croatian descent. His father immigrated from Croatia before Ed was born, and Ed rarely spoke about his family medical history. I found out after he had passed away, that his father had prostate cancer, and he died with the disease as well. I remember one conversation where Ed said that if a man lives long enough, he will die with prostate cancer. At the time, it sounded like an offhand comment, but now I understand there was lived experience was behind it.
Ed was treated at the Tom Baker Cancer Centre. Given his prognosis, he was happy to be enrolled in clinical trials testing new treatment options, some of which made him very sick or caused difficult side effects. Going through these treatments, Ed tried to keep his symptoms from me because he did not want to worry me. What he did not realize was that not knowing what he was going through left me feeling helpless. I was already worried, and being able to attend doctors’ appointments with him and help him through the treatment really did help me as well.
There were days when I asked him why he kept pushing himself. He told me he did not mind being the guinea pig, saying “maybe it will help the men coming up behind me.” Even as his world became smaller, his thinking stayed generous. That was who Ed was.
Three weeks before he passed away, Ed had a fall. He was taken to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre and stayed there until his passing. I was with him every day and night for those three weeks, but even then, he kept much of what he was feeling inside. He did not want to worry me. I wish he had understood that I wanted to carry it with him, I wanted us to face it together.
During Ed’s treatment, we had been referred to Prostate Calgary – now the Prostate Cancer Centre, which is where I met Linda McNaughton, who was instumental in starting the MAN VAN® program. After Ed passed, Linda was a great support to me and suggested that I consider using my experience to help others, by volunteering at the Prostate Cancer Centre after it had moved to Rockyview Hospital.
I spent time volunteering at the front desk, which gave me a place to put my grief. It helped me feel connected to Ed and to the men and families walking through the same experience we once did. Sitting at reception, I felt like I was honouring him, and quietly thanking the men who were taking the step to look after their health.
I still feel angry when I think about how late Ed was diagnosed. I feel angry that he did not tell me earlier, that he did not share his family history, and that I did not know enough to ask different questions. I wish I had understood then what I understand now about how common prostate cancer is, and how much earlier testing can matter.
The longer prostate cancer goes undetected, the harder it is to treat. If Ed had been tested earlier, especially with his family history, he would have had more options and possibly a very different outcome. That is why early detection matters – it saves lives. Men – Get Checked!
Programs like the Prostate Cancer Centre’s MAN VAN® are critical to making early detection possible. By bringing free PSA testing directly to men across Alberta, the MAN VAN® removes cost, referral requirements, and other barriers that can prevent men from getting checked. These life saving services exist because of community support.
The Prostate Cancer Centre is grateful to Monica for sharing her story and for keeping Ed’s legacy alive through a gift to the PCC in her estate. By considering a donation, gift of securities, or legacy gift, you can help ensure the MAN VAN® and other prostate cancer programs continue reaching men who might otherwise go untested.
Visit https://www.prostatecancercentre.ca/ways-to-give/ to learn more.